Hamilton March 12th

Every time I said I was going to Hamilton, people looked at me like I was crazy. Admittedlyin Blenheim I had read a column in the Sunday paper that mentioned the age-old question of whether going to Hamilton was like being dead (or something) but I had to go – it was all part of the Richie-stalking... I mean rugby-watching schedule. Chiefs vs. Crusaders in the Waikato Stadium at 1935 – my stay in Hamiltron (lol @ morgue) would last a mere 19 hours.

The bus journey was uneventful, for a change we had a nice cheerful driver (props to Stan) on the 'real' bus (as opposed to Stray). This one was Intercity, as the times suited better than the cheaper nakedbus. I think it was $22 vs. $12 but nakedbus would have trapped me there longer. I went YHA again – ten minutes from the transport centre my ass. On a bicycle maybe. It was closer to 25, and with all my stuff that's a painful walk. Anyway, got there, dude was the most Irish looking Kiwi I have ever seen and, well, there was something I couldn't put my finger on but I thought he was a bit lairy I guess. Meh. For those of you who have cast a scornful eye over the bedroom in my flat, let me now inform you that for NZ$55 (or 45 if you are me) you can stay in a smaller bedroom, with a sink outside the door. The whole place is a strange set-up, it feels a bit like someone took their mother's house and subdivided the rooms until they got a motel. There was a washing machine/dryer IN the lounge. The kitchen was a mess and I wouldn't trust the cleaning. But it was less than 5 minutes walk to the stadium so score on that front – no scary long dark trek back unlike Christchurch.

I left just before 630 with the intention of going to Subway, but that was on the opposite side of an enormous intersection and I just got frustrated with the lights. Foolish – I ended up paying stadium prices for crap food. As I was walking into the ground, the Chiefs were doing a haka to the Gallagher stand – pity I missed that. It may have had something to do with a player called Liam Messenga, but I don't know. Poor kid was up against Richie (playing in the unfamiliar number 6 jersey) and was all hyped up and his supporters were in that stand so obviously he got trashed in the first five minutes and had to go off.

As in Christchurch, the world cup money is flowing so there was also a brand new stand here (the Brian Perry, I think) but behind one goal is the Embankment. This is an embankment. Grass with those things for leaning on. I haven't seen the like in years. I can't imagine the chaos if we or say the Scots end up down there for a big WC game – it was enough of a party with the high school kids and students, I really wanted to be in there! But my seat was good, so close I could smell the turf – 7 rows from the pitch and only 2 behind the Crusaders bench. Good position for checking out Richie during the warm-up (man he has a long routine) but not so good for photos (could you not just stop moving) and not a great view of Carter. Seriously, Carter isn't in Richie's league in terms of superstardom over here, perhaps the trip to France has tainted him or something but they all – opposition fans included – go crazy for Richie but don't seem that pushed about pretty boy Daniel.

The game itself was once again riddled with errors, I thought by this stage things would have improved by the Super 14s isn't Heineken cup standard by any stretch of the imagination. It does show that the international teams are far greater than the sum of their parts though. The Crusaders scrum half walked in two tries – I can only assume it was because he was so short he was below their eyeline – but the game was just kicking kicking kicking. I've never seen so many garryowens in my life. It was a bit dire, though Donald did get an amazing kick to touch almost the length of the field. There was a load of penalties for offside, and the scrum couldn't stand up for all the tea in China (the screen seemed to have offside or incorrect binging on it for the whole game) but Carter missed a couple so Chiefs were back in with a shot, but ultimately didn't pull it off. Sivivatu was complete shite by the way. I'm sure by June they'll all be kick-ass monsters again though.

There were a couple of funny incidents – Richie got a telling off for dangerous play that anyone else would have got binned for (I'm not sure how he got the leverage but he managed to dump someone on their head by tackling them below their knees) – it must be great being the king of New Zealand really. Sean 'hands like feet' Maitland (seriously these two wingers cannot keep the ball in hand with any consistency, it is very annoying, but at least Maitland is less of a glory hound than Zac wotsit) was taken off, and someone behind me shouted 'tough love pretty boy' or some such, and he popped his head up and gave them a big grin – I can indeed confirm he is a pretty, pretty boy. And apparently has a sense of humour! Lots of the Crusaders players did autographs but of course Richie and Dan Carter sped off the pitch, saving themselves for Christchurch I guess. They must be sick of it really, they get mobbed (I said Carter's star wasn't as bright these days, but he is obviously still really popular, I just wasn't expecting Richie to be so much more popular) and the rest of the lads can wander around and have a bit of a laugh. Chiefs were off down the pub for a meet and greet, which seemed mad to me, but I guess they were in a VIP area or whatever.

Back to the hostel where my neighbour played random music very loudly and in a very strange manner. The sound quality was crap, and he'd only play about half a song before taking a break and then repeating. It was very odd. And he charged in and out of the room a few times. There was loud music from elsewhere, sounded like a band or something, and the traffic noise was bad so things did not bode well for a good sleep. I watched some show about spies? that work in a hardware store? i don't know. Jayne from Firefly was in it. Oh and Simon as well. It was WEIRD and had a distinct Ugly Betty vibe. Anyone know what it is? Also saw an ad for Grey's – what has Heigl done to her head? That's some mean revenge by the producers for her antics, giving her world's worst haircut.

Next morning was uneventful other than the crisis where the BNZ machine seemed to have crashed with my card in, but it eventually copped itself on after giving me a good solid panic attack. I had a look around the shops as I don't think my skanky clothes are going to cut the mustard in BA (I've been living in my Cantos this week since it's been a bit colder) but couldn't make a decision. I guess I'll find stuff in BA itself – hence why I have decided to leave a day earlier than planned, before I buy too much! I have another couple of days there at the end.

Next stop, Auckland.

Stray Day 4 & 5 – Queenstown

After a lunch stop in Wanaka and dropping some people off, we headed onto Queenstown. Home of the bungy. Basically in Queenstown you spend all day throwing yourself out of/off of things and all night partying in backpacker bars. Hmm. Wanaka was pretty, and after a wander trying to find some place in the book (the books, no matter how new they are, are out-of-date – places close, people move on) we settled on a nice cafe facing the water. You know how you all want fat and grease and carbs when you're hungover? I crave fruit. Fruit fruit fruit. Pineapple is a particularly good cure. So I had a divine fruit plate – yoghurt, plum, apple, blueberries, pineapple and the piece de resistance, some grilled banana. YUM. Wanaka (not just for the fruit plate) is somewhere I think I'd like to visit properly. They apparently have an awesome cinema, with sofas and beer and cake. Sounds cool.

We stopped on the way into Queenstown at the world's first commercial bungy site, where we watched a bungy video. This made me actually think I was going to throw up. Whatever extremely remote chance people had of convincing me to give it a go disappeared here – though the bungy from the centre of the Eiffel Tower was kind of funny. (I'm sure it's on Youtube). Lisa and Olivia took on the might of the bridge, fair play to them but Not. For. Me.

On into town (Lisa sopping wet, god bless her) and into Nomads, our hostel for the next couple of days. It's brand new, it's really nice but it is a party hostel. Maybe most of the Queenstown hostels are like that, I heard Base is an absolute kip, with push button showers like a public swimming pool – grim. Cougar had arranged ten dollar pizza in the Thirsty Ram but since I don't really like pizza and wanted something nice I went to Wai instead. It was maybe a touch too posh for me on my own in my pseudobackpacker persona, but hey, let's give it a go. I had monkfish wrapped in parma ham, with some pork belly and scallops, and a beautful view across the lake. Ok, it was expensive, but it was really really nice (though again like Christchurch the monkfish was perhaps a tad overcooked – the pork belly was divine though, just a small piece as pork belly can be overwhelming). I went up to the Ram to meet the others but it was loud and techno and I wasn't in the mood so off to bed early.

Good thing too as Nomads is one of those crappy music playing hostels – the speaker was right outside our door and started at 930. WTF? I assume it is in part to encourage folk to make their 10am checkout but OMG annoying. Since the bar next door had been going til uite late I was less than pleased by this turn of events. Oh well, up and out – we had en-suite facilities (the sinks are ridiculously small in these, with a glass shelf overhead making washing your face an adventure sport in itself) so a leisurely shower and out to explore the town.

Which took about ten minutes, Queenstown is a tourist town. It has tourist activities, tourist restaurants and many shops. So, shopping then. I ended up dropping a fortune in Canterbury, they had some nice ¾ lengths trackies, as I went to pay I spotted a zippy non-hooded hoodie (sweatshirt sounds so 80s) and I tried on an Ugly shirt (I believe they make these out of the scraps of the actual team colours) which didn't fit. The man in the shop them opened up his new delivery to find my size so of course I had to get one then... I love it but oh my god the total expenditure was way too much. I then went for a lake cruise, which was nice but well, a lake cruise is a lake cruise. Queenstown views are beautiful but the whole place is so artificial, so touristy, that it detracts from the Remarkable views (the main range here is called the Remarkables) for me.

We had arranged to meet up for Fergburger dinner. Fergburger is a Queenstown legend but I have to say it's no Jo'Burger. Nice, but I have had better/cooler/bigger burgers back home. Still it is cheap and good and filling. Sitting outside in the blazing sun didn't help I guess. Back to the hostel to get changed and have a few drinks before hitting the night life. I am sure there are many many bars here but everyone ends up in World Bar. if you want to party hard and drink cocktails from teapots and dance to crappy house music in a meatmarket, great. It's not really for me.

Stray Day 8 – Dunedin (22nd February)

After a lie in until 10am or so (not that it was required after a hardcore night of watching Road to Perdition in bustling Invercargill) and a delay due to some issue with the pickup from the Stewart Island ferry, we headed off to the Catlins and Dunedin.

First stop was Waipapa Point, to hopefully see some sea lions. There was a terrible shipwreck here in the 1880s, so they built a wooden lighthouse which is still standing. I didn't see any sea lions and most of us gave up and headed back to the bus, but one tenacious type stuck it out and found one much to the jealousy of the rest of the bus. Ah well. Then we went to Porpoise Bay to look for Hector dolphins, I didn't see any but we did find a seal on the beach. He was a bit lazy and fat, but hey, it's proper wildlife and stuff.

Off onwards with a drop-off in Waikawa, a random backwater town, I'd love to know why she got out there since the minimum time she had to stay was 5 days and a stop at Purakaunui Falls, a very pretty tiered waterfall. By this point our driver had started a forfeits game, so everyone who was late back to the bus, or said the word 'mine' had to do pushups or starjumps. Bizarrely this was the spot where a bunch of people were late back and had to do forfeits – no fun with a whole bus watching you and jeering. If you ever go here, do not use the loos – I forget the name but basically they've stuck a bowl over a very deep hole in the ground, and the person before me must have had a feed of pints the night before. Grim.

We got to Dunedin about 515, and were booked to go on a tour of Speights Brewery at 7. This led to fairly frantic showering and getting ready while Angela and Keith proceeded to complain a lot about how long I was taking! It was about 25 minutes in total, jeez. Anyway, after all that we ended up having dinner in Subway and going to the brewery where we were of course first there. I could have straightened my hair and everything (ok, probably not). The tour was very good, the guide was funny and kept us moving through the brewery quickly. All the workers had gone home so there wasn't much happening but it is interesting how they have the tour in the working brewery, with exhibition machines right next to the real deal. Then we went for a scientific beer tasting of the 6 brews currently on offer. I only sipped someone else's porter, did not like it. The light beer and the regular are nice, and they have a very interesting summer brew which tastes of apricots – would be great to have instead of cider on a summer beer garden afternoon. Then crazily we were allowed pour our own – letting 22 backpackers loose on taps seems like a bad idea, but it worked out fine. Speights have a pub on a barge in London, I'm so going there next time I'm over. It's a pub. On a boat. What's not to like (especially if they sent Kiwi barstaff as well...)

Also the guide told us it was o-week in Dunedin, i.e. first week of college (seems to be everyone not just freshers?) so we were up for a good night – to get an idea we should look up Dunedin riots on youtube. (try find the one with about 50 drunk students doing the haka for the riot police... he said it was class. Yes, students here are so wild they need the riot police. Makes freshers week back home look like a toddler's tea party). Riots eh? The perfect antidote to invercargill I guess.

Next stop (via multiple shops and atms and standing around and asking where's x, as you can imagine when trying to move 22 tiddly folk from one place to another) was a bar called the stadium, formerly the stock exchange, where it had been indicated we would get free shots and there would be jelly wrestling. Um... well I'll go with the group I guess, we had been promised discounted drinks as well. Turns out to get free shots you had to actually participate in the jelly wrestling (or... well we won't go into that now ;)) which was really unappealing. The students went for it hardcore though, some of the girls were really intense. It was almost frightening. What was frightening was how happy they all were to strip down to bra and undies in the bar to put back on their real clothes. They were about 2 feet from the ladies room... must be part of the show. We hung out there for a while, talking to various random people, including a very important farmer (his friend made sure i knew he managed 1400 cows, and most farms have only 500) but I could only focus on mocking his mullet. Seriously, I'm not sure what it is in NZ but loads of the boys have mullets, I blame Dan Carter et al and their fancy rugby boy haircuts. However since they are not underfed scrawny spotty pale chavtastic kids like the mullet wearers back home, they all almost get away with it. Almost. It's still a mullet. Dunedin was the first place I talked to actual Kiwis that weren't serving me something, which is why I especially liked it.

Next was monkey bar, which was a converted church with the dj box in the organ. AMAZING venue. The sunken dancefloor was surrounded by walls, upon which toga clad freshers danced without care for the precariousness of their position. The place was jammed, the atmosphere was electric, the choons were great – I just hit the floor and gave it loads. So. Much. Fun. Headed off coming up to 3 in a desperate search for a kebab which failed – instead the rest got chips from Night & Day. We walked up to the shop where there were two young fellas hanging around outside who I thought might know where to go leading to a question something like 'hey, do you know if there's any food places oh my god you have your hands down your pants I can't talk to you anymore'. Well he did, for no reason. Young fellas are weird. There was also a problem which had the children threatening one of our guys with getting his head kicked in for telling them to shut up, my logical response to this was that you can't possibly get into fights on a Monday (it made sense at the time) and anyway we managed to escape unscathed. i was inconsolable later to discover that what had actually happened was when asked about food, they said there was a burger place to which our guy responded that 'it's just shut up' which means closed in Northern (see what I have learned from soaps) and it all got confused from there. Literally I ended up doubled over unable to breathe with laughter in the kitchen when this was explained later.

So brewery tour, great nightclub, random hilarious incidents with locals, demented students, talking to actual Kiwis – Dunedin rocked. It may not do so when college is out, but I had a great time. Next morning we stopped on our way out at the steepest street in the world, Baldwin St. Having walked many of the streets of San Francisco, I decided to skip this one. It was hot, I am lazy, I'd probably have fallen down it in some kind of amusing (for others) fashion.

Pretty much direct back to Queenstown from here. I wasn't looking forward to it after last time, but who knows what could happen?